Death
To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, it indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life.
my sis is strong in character, and her disrespec' has no part in my life. that makes sense.
Umbrella
To see an umbrella in your dream, denotes a shield against your feelings. It also symbolizes financial protection and security.
To see an unopened umbrella in the rain, indicates that you are opened to your own feelings and emotional needs as you let the rain drench you.
Nurse
To see a nurse in your dream, denotes that you need to be taken care of and a time of healing, either mentally, physically or spiritually.
Cry
To dream that you are crying, signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and a way to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In our daily lives, we tend to ignore, deny, or repress our feelings. But in our dream state, our defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of such emotions.
To wake up crying, suggest the grieving of your soul and that you need to change your ways and how you approach things.
Crowd
To see an unruly crowd in your dream, signifies that the worries and problems around you are pressing in on you. You will be be greatly distressed. like im not already. tsk.
Darkness
To dream that you cannot find someone in the darkness, signifies that you need to keep your temper in check. You have the tendency to let your emotions get out of control and lose your temper.
To dream that you are lost in the darkness, denotes feelings of desperation, depression, or insecurity.

sigh. that is like how true. i dont know what da hell is wrong with me. i jus blew my top at mom suddenly in da midst of her advice. and cried. and shouted for her to leave me alone. i havent screamed, at home for that matter, for da longest time. i have repressed feelings, remember? i tend to keep it all in. i like it that way. nobody gets affected. nobody is burdened with my problems.
you know what scares me the most? when it happens, when it comes over me, when i totally lose control - i like it.
i need a time-out from my life. and there are so many things i am expected to accomplish by this year[either my own goals, or my folks'. go figure.] fuck this, screw that. i have had enough of this shet mann. im gonna sleep da whole day today. that thought is the most appealing one. =D

1. do well for my a's. for all 3 + 1 subjs, which means: econs - 10topics; geography - 8topics; lit - 6 friggin books. +gp. wow. i hope that gave you a fright. it sorta refreshed me for a while.
2. get my driving license.
3. to spend less money.
4. to go down to england.
5. to treat my sis nicer.
6. to get a job. a -1st- real part time job at the end of the yr and stick with it.
7. bum.around.
8. move out. hostel, whatever.
9. do well for my a's, yes. do well, if not better than my cousin for a's! haha. -evil laughter- show em that not only vjc can do well.
10. get.over.it.

the damage is done so i guess ill be leaving.

11:42;