music to my ears xtina aguilera - beautiful

hit of the century.
visualise yourself walking up (or down) a flight of steps. a neverending flight of steps. say you're getting to somewhere beautiful. maybe like a waterfall at the end or a fantastic city view at the top. anywhere. but it has to be somewhere beautiful. halfway through the climb/ descent you get so tired. you almost want to give up the beauty awaiting. you have two choices: you either head back to where you started or keep on going. i am at that standstill, that important decision point. so are you. "hello Climbing Partner, what do you want to do", i ask. we hesistate, because we don't want to give up the beauty, and all the work we had to put in to get thus far. neither do we have the strength to go on. after an important life-changing pause, you say, "i think i'm going back down the stairs." thanks. that's all i needed. so i didn't need to panic on the crowded stairs afterall. and at least i can still follow you for another half an hour, on our journey back down. at least my heart is still beating, blood is still flowing through my veins. breathe, ena. it was hard to climb up and you're half out of breath but that's what life is about - excercise. no? hey i'm glad i didn't have to work as hard to get to a decision as i did before.


my tears are my sweat.

and i'm losing my religion.

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

08:32;